Pregnancy in lockdown has proven to be a lonely and isolating experience. I talk about how it has been being pregnant in lockdown in London.
Being pregnant under the ‘normal’ circumstances can be a challenge. Being pregnant in lockdown feels like a rollercoaster. As your body changes and grows this little human inside you, your hormones are all over the place and it is a time when you miss your girlfriends the most. You find yourself missing the luxurious brunches and afternoon teas, the long chats just about life and being pampered in your local salon. No one tells you how quickly your body transforms from being your normal size to needing elasticated waistbands and baggy tops. The need to dress up each day becomes a distant memory and all you want to do is wear your pjs all day.
Fashion has died a death…
I have been mourning the loss of my wardrobe and wearing cute little summer dresses. I was expecting to have this fabulous maternity wardrobe but no one warned me about how awful some of it actually is. I said to my partner in John Lewis, ‘Maternity clothes are so mumsy!’ He laughed and said that was the point. No it is not the point. I should be able to feel cute, beautiful and sexy, not like I walked out of a fashion spread for women in their later years. Let’s face it, even THEY don’t dress like that anymore. Do not get me started on maternity and nursing bras. They look awful, who designed them and thought, hey women will feel attractive wearing those 9 months and beyond. Maternity wear needs a huge overhaul into this century because what is out there, is simply not acceptable.
Rites of passage
I always thought of pregnancy as a rite of passage. Maybe it is too many Bollywood movies and chick flicks but I wanted the right to be celebrated through babymoons and baby showers. All I have now been left with is virtual video calls and abstract notions of what this should feel like. However I have to be content with the fact that I am safe and healthy. I am able to work from home and I am not facing the 6am commute that I would usually do.
Throughout my whole pregnancy, my body is what has marvelled me and scared the life out of me. The fact it has found the strength to grow another human inside of me is just breathtaking. The fact that I can now feel it move and punch and poke and prod me, is just a concept out of an Alien movie. I didn’t know what to expect when I became pregnant but it has been an enriching experience. I have had it easier than most and watching my hips and stomach expand overnight, has not always been the happiest of experiences. For someone who LOVES clothes and pretty dresses, I have not appreciated not fitting into my usual attire.
I have always struggled with weight gain and not wanting to ‘look fat’ so this has been a real mental uphill climb for me. No matter how many times someone tells you, you are supposed to gain weight, there is no supposed to in my head. The only thing that is keeping me going is the fact that I am feeding a baby using my body so if I don’t eat properly then the baby doesn’t eat properly. I have been exercising religiously each day, just to stay fit and healthy but also have been obsessively careful about not falling into my old food habits again.
For more of my life update posts during lockdown see below:
Happy. What a strange concept in this new world we are living in at the moment. I have found staying happy really difficult throughout this lockdown. Being stuck inside and alone for hours a day, while watching people and cars go by living room window, really hasn’t helped my mental health. I have been using the time to spend time in the garden, stay away from the daily news updates and focus on watching old movies and reading my old favourite books.
I know I am privileged. I am still earning an income, able to know my family and friends are safe and living under my own roof. However these are just a few struggles that I have been facing. There is no feeling normal in lockdown and I am still adjusting 3 months on.
Let me know how you are feeling or reach out if you want a chat,